Of sleepless nights

We all know life isn’t an utopia and it’s never going to be but most of us still fear those tiny (or big) bumps we foresee ahead of us. We fear having to be upset, angry, heartbroken or stressed out. They’re not satisfying feelings and if not dealt the right way, it can demotivate us for a while.

2015 was an emotional roller coaster for me. All the emotions that one could possibly experience; I felt them all last year. One month it was all great and then another, DANG, unpleasant news. I was emotionally worn out after the cycle repeated itself mercilessly a couple of times.

I constantly reminded myself about one thing though: ‘You’ve to move forward. Keep going.’ And in order to keep going, I always had to acknowledge my circumstance, view things from a distance and then come up with the most realistic way out. It was a trial and error process. LIFE is a trial and error process.

With a bit of time, any problems or difficult situations I faced were either minimized or went away completely. That’s the best part about life—no matter how tough things are, you can get through it all with the right mindset paired with hard work. It’s quite hard to see the silver lining in every situation, because let’s be real, it’s always easy to pout and cry about it.

The problem with me is that I’m impatient. Like…it’s a chronic disease. I want something and I want it fast. Now don’t go on lecturing me in your head about how good things take time. I know they do. I can’t help it. I just feel it. One more thing that I’ve learned in the past few months is, nothing ever goes according to your plan. Things can turn upside down in a second and it’s not necessarily bad for you. Although things hardly go according to my plan, I know it is exactly how it’s intended to be.

The plans I had for 2016 have already been thwarted very early on in the year but after some reflection, I came to the conclusion that it’s GOOD to not always get what you want. There were a lot of things I didn’t get last year due to circumstances I didn’t have the power over but when I think about it now, my life is exactly the way it should be. The way God intended it to be.

Every time I take a look on past events, I understand that not getting what I wanted was indeed a blessing. Every time I thought I was being deprived of something great, I was in reality being led to somewhat better things. I was given other opportunities, met interesting people and gained new insights.

I’ve set such a high expectation of myself that every now and then I forget that everyone’s voyage has different starting points and as long as I bear in mind to put in the time, work and effort, I should be heading on the right path.


p/s: It’s amazing how light my heart (and head) feels after I’ve penned down my thoughts here. My brain really does function better in the middle of the night as it was 12am when I wrote this.


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