It took me a lot of courage to publish this post that was sitting in my draft for weeks. I decided to publish it anyway because I’d be so happy if this post helps at least one miserable person out there.

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“Eh fatty, lose weight lah a bit.” “Eh fatty, no one is going to marry you if you don’t lose weight.” One girl even wrote to me in my Standard 6 autograph book “Don’t forget to diet when you’re old/big enough”. How many of you have had the struggle of body issues when you were growing up because people around you just wouldn’t give you a break? How many of you were shamed because you weren’t skinny according to the society’s standards?

I am not born naturally flawless. In fact, I’m far from it. I am naturally chubby, I have uneven skin tone, I’m dark brown, my hair is unforgivably wild and curly. When I was younger, my self esteem was non-existent. I refused to take part in activities just because I felt I wasn’t good enough. I let my weight weigh me down from everything I wanted to do.

And you know what the sadder part is? I became the product of my environment. I turned out to be the product of other people’s limitations. It took me a long time to actually find my self-identity. I refused to let people get in my head. I told myself I will not let anyone bully me anymore. Imagine being told by an uncle that the car feels heavier on the right side because you were sitting there? It hurt my feelings and I couldn’t sleep that night. I was 13 back then. These nasty comments went on for years until I decided to put a stop to it.

One day I woke up and I decided to not let anyone tear me down because of my flaws. I decided to not look at myself as a full of flaw person. I told myself I’ve to think I’m fabulous and when I did that, people started showing more respect. I’m fab and I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me otherwise.

Miraculously, people started loving me more when I’ve started loving myself. If you think you’re fat, then no matter what you wear and how much makeup you put on, you will feel fat because that’s how you see yourself. Don’t bully yourself, let it go and wear that short dress you’ve always wanted to wear. The best makeup you can wear is your confidence. Embrace your curves, dress your best, wear self confidence as your make up and you’re good to go! You’ll be surprised with the way the world looks at you when you’re dead confident.

Never let anyone tell you you’re not pretty enough. Not good enough. Not smart enough.Start loving yourself. Wear your favourite clothes. Eat your favourite food. And if anyone tries to tell you that you’re not going to be married because of your curves, you’re better off single than marrying a man who only looks at you as a heartless piece of meat. I think it’s about time to let loose and live life according to your standards of living. Do not lose weight for a guy. Do it because you want to. Do not stop eating your burgers because your grandmother told you so. (Save the healthy eating lecture here because I’m also aware about the importance of eating clean for health, I’m never against that FYI.)

It’s amazing how much a little change in your mindset does to your life. You are what you think. Life is too short to dwell in body issues. It’s definitely too short to spend pleasing people who refuse to see you beyond the flaws curves you have. Do not let your body issues hold you back from doing the amazing things you’re meant to do. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE 🙂 

These days, I’m just too cool to care. You think I’m fat and will remain single because I’m curvy? Never mind. I am fab, I’ve done pretty epic things in life and my career is amazing. To those people who have ever put somebody down for their physical appearance, SHAME on you.

PEACE.

*This post is long overdue! Read it in retrospect!*

Birthdays have never been a huge deal in my family. Yes my parents threw the mandatory 1st, 2nd, 3rd birthday parties (well until my sister was born *rolls eyes*) but I can’t remember them vividly. Oh yes, they also threw me a small 21st birthday party despite me insisting on not to have one. Not complaining, though. hahah

This year was different. I gave myself 2 birthday gifts (one was a material item so  shall not elaborate on that). Kind of a splurge but whatevs, it was the best gift I’ve ever given to myself. I bought a ticket for AR Rahman Live in KL! Paid 300 for it, something I wouldn’t do for just any concert. When I knew he was coming down to Malaysia, I had to get myself a ticket because it’s AR Rahman. Nuff said. When I found out that the concert was going to happen on the 14th of May (2 days before my birthday) I was stoked!

I’m pretty sure everyone of us have a childhood celebrity that we admired and wish we saw them live one day. Ever since I was a kid, I grew up listening to his songs. There’s a song composed by him for every stage of my life. Cliche but true. For every happy moment, for an emo moment, for a situation that hurt me more than anything…you name it, I’ve a situation song composed by AR Rahman for everything. Heck, I even have a few jams that I’d play (also dance and sing along) while I do house chores!

How did it go? Well, I’m sure you’ve heard about the heavy downpour and how the concert was delayed for 2 hours and cut short due to the poor planning by the organizers. Despite all that, it was still one of the best days of my life. Was drenched head to toe, cold and hungry but when he came on stage and started singing, it was a dream come true! Wouldn’t trade the experience for anything else. If anything, the rain was just like magic sent from heaven, paired with the angel-like voices and amazing music!

My night got better when he sang Dil Se Re, my ultimate favorite Hindi song from the movie Dil Se starring my favorite actor, if I may add.

Definitely the luckiest and happiest day of my 2016 so far! This year started off rough but things got better and are still getting better so I’d say this was one of the best birthdays ever!

When he started Dil Se Re ❤

Another favorite singer of mine, Benny Dayal! 

p/s: Excuse the quality of the pictures because I had to zoom! sorry! Took very limited pictures as well as I was busy recording  videos and singing along! Nope, I won’t upload the videos because you don’t wanna hear me sing in the background!

Till next post!

xoxo! 

My friends would disagree, but I am an introvert. And for an introvert to have back to back busy weekends filled with gatherings, family functions, a concert, friends meet ups and all, it can be quite tiring. I crave for some me time at times like these. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy human interaction, but only in small doses. HAHA I’ve been so busy living life that I didn’t have enough time to pick up a book and read or to blog! But busy is good, for an over thinker like me. 😛

I turned 26 a few days ago. This birthday felt more special than any other birthdays I’ve had because I was finally genuinely happy of myself. Also got myself a gift that no one else can get me (maybe).

Felt so happy and proud about the things I’ve achieved. You know you’ve made it when birthday messages come along with phrases like “I’m so proud of you” and as my boss put it ”F*cking proud of you babe!”

It felt so good to have no burden on my heart, to let go of the things that was holding me back, to feel good about myself and of what I am today. From the age of 18 on, I truthfully could not have foreseen how much things were going to transform. How much I was going to change. I always tell people that if you don’t know what your gut feelings are telling you, it’s either because you don’t listen to them or trust yourself enough.  Took me a while to fully understand myself, but now that I do, it’s the greatest feeling in the world.

Birthday lesson this year would be you don’t have to be the individual that people imagine you to be even if they mean a lot to you because at the end of the day, it’s your life. You decide the kind of adventure you want to embark on. You’re not indebted to make people understand your life choices. Trust me, most people aren’t going to fall asleep thinking about where you’re heading in life.

To many more amazing birthdays!

There aren’t enough pages and ink for me to scribble down every one of the thoughts and feelings I’ve. When you glance back at all that you’ve written before, you have an inclination that you’re perusing the composition of another person’s on the grounds that whether you understand it or not, you’re never the same individual that you are in 12 months’ time. A few qualities of yours may remain yet your interests, the way you see things and who you like and aversion will definitely change.

I recently had this discussion about relationships with my friend. I realized I sounded like a true dreamer in that conversation; when I’m actually not. And then I realized; I am a realistic dreamer. I blame my love for books for this. I’ve read countless numbers of novels, short stories, real life stories, biographies etc over the years that it has made me believe that some dreams of mine actually exist in this world. I believe and relate to most of the characters I watch on TV or read about. Why? Because if someone didn’t see/experience someone behaving like that, how would they know such expression exist? When you get deep down to it, it’ll make you think…think…think…and lose sleep. I know I did.

If you know me well, you know I’m a sucker for quotes. And this specific one by Sadhguru speaks to me: “You should always be effervescent, balanced and a bit extreme.”

I would like to believe I’m a mixture of all these. Life shouldn’t be restricted to the ideas only in your mind. Open up your world, have a little wild dream. Isn’t it strange, and perhaps weird too, that so much of world’s wealth is poured in educational models every year for the last so many decades, to educate the people and in making them learn the logical way of looking at things, which ultimately does not help people to “experience” the life in a “real sense”? But probably this is to be expected since we are living in a topsy-turvy world, anyway.

Conclusion is, let’s not categorize ourselves into these labels. Dreamer, realist, idealist, minimalist, extremist etc. A dreamer can also be real about certain things. A realist can dream. An idealist is not always a perfectionist. Remember, it’s okay to be balanced and a bit extreme at times.

Peace out.

xoxo